“Fail forward,” my friend Robby always says. Well! If success is about failing hard enough, often enough, I’m the most successful woman who ever lived!
I’ve had failed career launches, failed interviews, failed hobbies, and I failed to develop no fewer than 7 blogs, because I lacked confidence or conviction in what I was saying. I’ve failed at recipes, failed in relationships, and I’ve had TWO failed engagements. It could be said that the first thing a lot of us become experts at is failing!
People say trite crap about the only failure being if you don’t get back up and try again, all the time. It’s mostly only trite because people repeat it so much. Sure, from person to person, the economic circumstances or personal background can vary quite a bit, and some people have an easier time than others. But that doesn’t make the truth behind the statement any less so. As this conversation between us continues, you’ll learn I don’t take well to BS, to sugarcoating, or to mindless cliche. If I say something, it’s because I believe it with everything in me.
And here’s what I believe. That fail-forward stuff is real. It HURTS a lot to fail – and true, if you never stick your neck out and try, you probably won’t feel that pain nearly as much. Especially when it comes to relationships – Those awful, sucky feelings like your guts are empty but also squished and on fire, all at the same time. No matter how many times you get dumped, shot down, cheated on, ghosted, or taken for granted by someone who said they loved you – or turned down without even giving you a try – somehow it never hurts less. It’s impossible to numb that out. (Well, unless you’re a bit sociopathic.)
There’s no such thing as a perfect romance, but a great one is worth the effort.
So, the first things I’m going to talk about over the next few weeks are ways I’ve really blown it, and times I’ve really failed to value myself enough to walk away when I should have. The hope is that you’ll have a better shot than I did at NOT learning the hard way. Because lemme tell ya… Ow.
(Important lesson! If you walk away from a relationship that wasn’t serving you, that isn’t failing! It’s succeeding at valuing your heart, protecting it, and learning what you want by turning away from people who can’t or won’t go there with you.)
Once we’ve shared some of the vulnerable bits together, we’ll move into some theory and technique – what decisions might have been much better in my own past, how you can apply those lessons to your future, and what it means to “do the work” so you’re a complete, confident person who can catch a mate more perfect than you even dared to let yourself desire. Or, if you’re already attached, how to communicate better and fall more deeply in love.
Every morning when I wake up, and every evening before I fall asleep, I look at my partner and I can’t believe how glad I am that I didn’t give up and I was brave enough to say yes to trying again, even after all the pains of every past failure. (I ALMOST turned him down – I’ll tell you all about that sometime!)
Even after every time trusting was not rewarded. Trying again, failing forward, means believing in yourself enough to be brave, and knowing yourself enough to stand up and accept no less than what feeds the truth of who you are and what you want to give and receive.
Thanks for joining me. Let’s go forward together!
- The How-Not-To Guides, Part One: The Chase
- The How-Not-To Guides, Part Two: The Partner You Can’t Fight With