5 ways to show healthy love even when you’re freakin’ exhausted

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Gosh dang it, I’ve been wiped out this week! I meant to put out the next part of the Fail Series, but I’m sorry, darlings. I didn’t get it done. It’s all back on track for Monday, the 18th, though. I’m looking forward to a productive weekend of writing and behind-the-scenes planning/maintenance/etc.

Plus, I’m putting the finishing touches on a first steps to your soulmate journey checklist I could NOT be more excited about! If you haven’t subscribed to my emails yet, I’d definitely recommend doing so, because subscribers get first dibs on all the goodies!

Today is a little pick-me-up for the folks who are already seeing someone special. It’s just, overall, a tiring time of year – straight through from Halloween til after New Year’s seems like a grind sometimes, doesn’t it? So if you are coupled up, and feel in danger of hitting a rut, here are five little ways to keep things fresh:

It’s the tiny rituals that tend to matter the most.

1) Always take that second to kiss them goodbye before work.

I go to work first, and get home last, every day. In almost two years living together, my partner David has never failed to kiss me goodbye at the door. And it’s never gotten old! Yes, it’s easy to just rush off or to stay in bed if you’ve got the day off to recoup. But lemme tell ya – I feel like a million bucks every single morning, even if I’m grumpy, tired, and in a hurry. Even if HE’S in a hurry. He cares enough to never neglect that little thing. it’s the tiny rituals that tend to matter the most. Pucker up those lips and try it out.

2) Light a pretty candle and have dinner together.

Life is BUSY. Lots and lots of people don’t get to match their schedule up for dinner, so you end up nuking a Lean Cuisine just… whenever, and having a lonely meal while Partner’s working late. I understand that the world is just what it is now – you just can’t do family dinner night every night. But, pick a night. Plan ahead that dinner will be on the table at, say, 6:30. You don’t have to cook a thing – just order a favorite. Uncork a nice wine – or a bubbly to celebrate just getting through the day. Then just enjoy a quiet meal together.

3) Leave them a love note.

You don’t have to write a letter or a sonnet – just a simple “have a good day, I love you!” is plenty to bring a smile. If you pack their lunch, put a little note in their brown bag. Or, you know it’s cold enough they’ll have to wear a coat when they go out. Sneak it in the pocket! If you can’t think of any place to secret away a cute little note, just send a “thinking of you, hope you’re having a good day” text on your lunch break.

4) Toss their towel in the dryer to have it warm for right after their shower.

A fresh, fluffy warm towel is magical. When your partner hops in the shower, take their towel and throw it in the dryer so it will be warm for them. Low effort, high reward. Like I said… It’s the little things!

5) Snuggle! Cuddle. Whatever you want to call it.

Pick the couch instead of the La-Z-Boy and stretch out together during the next TV binge session. Bonus points if you queue up their favorite show before they even have to ask. Take some deep breaths, together. This really might just seem ridiculously simple, but how many times have you been in the same room without really being there in the moment, together? Take turns giving back rubs or head-scratches. Ahh, doesn’t that feel better?

Feel free to share your own suggestions in the comments. Happy Thursday, everyone – we’re almost through this week!

‘Scuse me for not having that life-coach “look,” y’all.

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When the hell was that Aspirational Aesthetics masterclass? I MISSED that part of coaching training! 

Ever wonder why so many writers and coaches look… Well… Like that?

The just-so makeup and (usually blond) perfectly, artfully-messy hair? The high-end yoga clothes and even-teeth, beatific smile? The curated collection of crystals? The penchant for beachfront photography and quotes from Rumi and Tony Robbins? All those…pastels?

Really, Debbie?

I’m not gonna lie. I wonder sometimes. 

When the hell was that Aspirational Aesthetics masterclass? I MISSED that part of coaching training! 

I’m not saying any of this to knock on those beautiful women. I know them. I love quite a few of them, as friends. My bisexual ass has definitely crushed on at least one of ’em. I support them as the empowered and wonderful people they are – even as I politely decline their more woo-woo activities like energy healing, self-marriage ceremonies and the egg-shaped rocks you’re supposed to put…where??

Y’all, I’m no stranger to the woo. I’m definitely not Jen Gunter levels of cynical when it comes to the mystical connections around your body, spirit, the world surrounding you, et cetera and so on. I’m all about prayer, visualization, third eye and meditating into your chakras and jazz like that. I’m not entirely “one with the woo,” but when it’s helpful to me and to other people, I’m all-in.

… things only started going right after I started doing really fundamental mindset shifts.

While I’m not a thousand percent on board with the Law of Attraction idea, I can’t completely excuse it either. I’ll freely admit that things only started going right after I started doing really fundamental mindset shifts, using tools like affirmations on audio, to achieve a two-fold effect of getting more mindful of opportunities already out there, and braver and more assertive to reach for those opportunities.

Whew, that was a little of a tangent. My point is this! We tend to get wrapped up in the show of this Instagram-friendly world that life and relationship coaches tend to build. And I have nooooo doubt that some of these folks are naturally, aesthetically, much more Instagram friendly than I am. Some folks have just got that gift! But my world ain’t that one. We are birds of the same feather if:

  • you skew closer to Tina Belcher on the “grace and poise” scale as opposed to, say, Tyra Banks.
  • you still pick the snooze-button over having time for makeup more than half the time.
  • you probably cuss entirely too much, but whatever.
  • you really get self-conscious because you think you smile like a demented walrus sometimes.
  • your all-black look has an added bonus of hiding lunch stains.
  • you’d love to display your crystal collection, but it’s about as aesthetic as your junk-drawer.
  • your messy bun is not an aesthetic choice, it’s just kind of what your hair does.
Good Lord, it kinda pains me to share these. So very not ‘grammable. But it is very honestly me.

You should definitely stick around if you relate to two or more of these. And if you thought you aren’t getting where you want to be ’cause you just need to be more like that perfect image… Do I EVER have good news for you. You can absolutely get exactly where you want to. Because the dark, dirty secret is… You were already good enough. Just exactly as you are. I’m just here to help you strut that out like you deserve to. It’s called a “practice” for a reason. What step are you going to take today?

A mini-challenge for today!

Challenge for today: write down at least ten things that you’re thankful for, today. RIGHT NOW! Grab a scrap of paper, or your Evernote or WordPad app, and just do it!

Gratitude lists sound like a corny concept, but they work. Take hold of that little bit of things that make you smile. Joy attracts MORE joy! And people flock to a joyful, confident person.

What amazing dividends can that pay, as you seek your freakin’ soulmate? Think about it. Little shifts lead to BIG RESULTS!

What’s going well for you today? Say a little thank-you out loud, and watch as the gratitude grows into joy and confidence that brings love in.